Being a Parent of Two

I feel like a professional parent now that I'm the mom of two.
Although I get the sense that I kind of have it easy right now because Anastasia is an angel baby.

 See the halo?

Seriously, the only thing that really phases her are diaper changes. She hates them. But everything else about being a baby--the burps, the hiccups, the gas, the bumping around as she gets passed from one person to another, the loud chanting and wailing of her older sister--she takes all of it rather placidly.

With Constance, I was used to a fairly intense burping session that included pacing back and forth, bouncing up and down, and patting a little back. I remember her thrashing back and forth crying loudly until out came the little air pocket of discomfort. I was used to her having to nurse to sleep and then waking up to cry an hour later. I remember being up multiple times each night that first week and feeling so sleep deprived.

I was bracing myself for that all over again; but so far, Anastasia hasn't been nearly as demanding as Constance was as a newborn or even is now. In fact, the other night it was Constance who was up screaming for hours while Ana calmly went to sleep.

She has such a different personality than her older sister. Constance is vivacious, precocious, loving, emotional, and often needy. We have yet to see exactly what Anastasia's personality is but I'm starting to see glimpses.

Right now, she's just a little cuddle bug.
When her life gets a little uncomfortable, all she wants is just to be cuddled. No bouncing or patting--just cuddles. Then a few minutes later she will quietly get rid of that uncomfortable burp.

Constance is the best older sister ever. She feels very responsible for Anastasia's well being. Constance is always checking on the baby, making sure she has her "ba ba," gently patting Anastasia's head and cheek, and shushing her while I'm changing her diaper. Constance has always loved babies so I'm glad she's transferred that love onto her little sister.

We were a little worried about how bedtime would go with two little ones. Constance requires quite a bit of time and effort to get her to sleep every night--it's kind of always been that way with her. When I was putting her to bed at night, it took me on average one hour. But shortly before Ana was born, superdad took over some of that responsibility, and the results have been quite astounding.

Constance always had these weird demands for me--rub my back, rub my arm, put your arm under my head, don't touch my pillow with a 10-foot pole much less your head, sing to me (but NOT that song). But with superdad, he just tucks her in then lies down next to her bed on some pillows and blankets we have there, and she talks to him for a little bit then they are usually both asleep in 30 minutes.

Superdad is great. He deserves a cape.

I still put Constance down for a nap. I try to use that as our cuddle time so she doesn't feel neglected. The first time this happened (see below), I felt like supermom. Two kids asleep at the same time within 30 minutes? Now that is some accomplishment. (Obviously, I moved Ana to a safer sleeping location after taking this picture.)

I'm happy that the "only child situation" in my lineage has come to an end. Constance will now grow up with a sibling to play with, nap with, learn with, go on adventures with, argue with, protect, tease (and quite possibly be teased by), and love.

Anastasia Chiyo

On February 7 at 11:00 pm, we welcomed Anastasia Chiyo Stone into our family. Of course, she had technically been part of our family for a while but we got our first peek at what baby Ana looked like in real life.

This pregnancy, labor, and delivery was so different from everything we experienced with Constance.

Constance came a week and a half late; Anastasia came almost a week and a half early (depends which due date you use).
Constance was born after a snow storm; Anastasia was born on one of the warmest days this winter.
With Constance, I was almost immediately in a lot of pain; for the longest time, Anastasia didn't even have me convinced I was in labor.
Constance was a bit drowsy and didn't start to wail right away; Anastasia came out using the full extent of her lungs but quickly settled down.
Constance had trouble remembering to eat frequently and to eat enough those first few days; Anastasia latched on right away and has been nursing like clockwork ever since.
Oh, and Constance was born in the hospital; and Anastasia was born at home.
(If you are at all interested in the home birth part, see this post.)

The story of Anastasia's grand appearance began with the Denver zoo. That's where we were all day while my stomach was cramping. And apparently that is also where everyone else in Denver was on Saturday, or so it seemed based on the suffocating crowds of adults, strollers, and children.

Anastasia kindly waited until that adventure was over and we were safely home.
Then she waited until Tom put Constance to bed for the night.
Then I realized the contractions were 2 minutes apart and my body was starting to shake.

But seriously, it just didn't seem like real labor because I wasn't screaming through waves of pain. In fact, I don't think I screamed at all this time--and that is with no epidural. Granted I wasn't flat on my back, which for some reason makes having a baby 100 times easier.
Also, Tom didn't have a kidney stone this time. And the midwife didn't require him to do any weird labor coach-type things during or after labor, which I think he appreciated.

Constance slept through the entire night, woke up the next morning, and discovered she had a little sister. We have been talking about baby Ana for several months but I think it was still a bit of a shock to see her mommy holding a little baby. She observed the scene for a little while then suddenly burst into tears and wept for a good minute once she realized her days of "only child" were forever gone.

After that, however, she was extremely kind and loving to her little sister. She insisted that Ana was "Mommy's baby" and instructed us on how to take care of the baby: "Mommy, hold that baby, K?" Constance was very concerned about Ana being hungry or sleepy or sad. She even burst into tears when Ana lost one of her socks.

At first glance, Anastasia looks quite a bit like Constance did as a newborn. But she has some pretty distinctive facial features and her hair seems a little lighter.

We can't wait for Constance and Anastasia to start going on adventures together. . .

. . . or for those 9 babies total that Constance has said Mommy will have.

The Adventures of Home Birth

Originally, I wasn't set on a home birth with Anastasia. I started out looking into a hospital birth with a doula. I had Constance in the hospital; and although my labor was fairly quick and easy for a first pregnancy, there were aspects of that experience I did not want to repeat: laboring at home and trying to time the trip to the hospital, the impersonal treatment (I just got passed around several different doctors and midwives at an obgyn practice and they didn't do the greatest job keeping track of what was going on with me or my baby), being stuck on monitors and unable to move much during a contraction, and the week-long headache from my epidural.

But then I met my midwife Christie. And after talking to her, I was prompted to ask Tom if he'd be open to a home birth. He said "OK" and then said a lot of other things in later months that were a little more complicated to interpret. But in the end, I think we made the right choice for this particular pregnancy and birth.

Home birth can be one of those touchy topics where you don't know whether you are safe publicizing that information. It does seem to be getting more common but there are strong advocates for and against it. My personal opinion is that you should not go into it blindly. There are risks associated with not being in a hospital; and especially with your first child, it may be a good idea to be in a hospital anyways.

Midwives vary in expertise and how they practice. In Colorado, midwives are licensed and regulated by the state so you can't have a home birth with a licensed midwife unless your pregnancy is considered low risk. One of the things I liked about Christie was her philosophy of not taking risks with home births and transporting to a hospital quickly even if there was a chance that something was going to go wrong. She was also very upfront and honest about what she would do in specific circumstances.

The whole week before Anastasia was born, I was having Braxton Hicks contractions that felt especially uncomfortable in my lower tummy and back. I could definitely feel that the baby had dropped but since I had been getting Braxton Hicks contractions for a few months, I still felt that it could be a little while before Anastasia actually came.

We woke up Saturday morning and I had the feeling that maybe I could have the baby that day. I tried to keep track of the amount of time between the "fake" contractions but quickly lost interest when it seemed longer than 30 minutes and not always consistent. Spending the day at the zoo walking around must have helped get me ready for labor. And Anastasia turned out to be a very considerate little baby: she waited until after I finished my editing projects, after I had bought some freezer meals, after we came back from the zoo, and after Constance went to bed for the night before she decided to come.

That evening I noticed that the contractions were there again. Still not painful; just uncomfortable. I decided to force myself to do some nesting (apparently, this trait does not come naturally for me). I picked up around the house, packed some essentials away for Constance in her backpack, and went to the store to pick up some diapers.

At 8:30 I decided to go upstairs and lie down. It seemed that the "contractions" were coming every 15 minutes. At 8:32, I texted Christie to tell her that this definitely was labor. The contractions were 10 minutes apart and getting closer very quickly. Then my legs started shaking and at that point Christie decided she was going to come. I was supposed to call her when I thought I was in active labor but I'm glad she was keeping track of things better than I was because I still wasn't convinced I was going to have a baby. None of the contractions had me writhing on the floor or moaning or screaming. I was expecting something like that again since labor with Constance had been quite painful.

Even when Christie arrived (9:00), I was still talking and smiling and moving around normally between contractions. When I felt a contractions coming, I just knelt down next to the bed, rested my head on the pillow, and took deep breaths. It really wasn't hard at all and I didn't feel that sense of panic about being able to get through the pain. Honestly, I didn't feel pain during the two hours of labor. I suppose my body already knew what to do from last time, or maybe it was the herbal birth prep formula I had been taking that helped, or the fact that I knew from experience exactly what position I needed to be in during contractions.

We didn't have to drive anywhere; I didn't have to get hooked up to monitors; I wasn't lying on my back; Constance was downstairs sleeping through the entire event.

Christie and her assistant set up everything for the birth. She carries all of the usual necessities for a birth: oxygen, traditional medical equipment, medicine to stop excessive bleeding, among other things.

Christie checked my vitals before I got in the birth pool. She also checked to see how far along I was and what position the baby was in. I was surprised. At this point, I was still worried that everyone had come for nothing and my "labor" might stop altogether or it might be hours before I had the baby.

Nope. I was dilated to 8.

I went in the pool. They kept checking the baby's heartbeat every few minutes. Then Christie said I could start pushing if I wanted. I tried a little. Then a few contractions later, it started to hurt quite a bit and transition hit and my body started forcing me to push. At that point, I found Tom's hand and the rest was a little blurry.

My biggest fear from last time was the awful feeling of not being able to get enough air in my lungs between and during contractions. That horrible breathlessness is what led me to get an epidural with Constance. But it didn't really happen this time, granted I was only pushing for about 5 minutes and the painful part of labor lasted only about 10 minutes. Being in warm water and delivering the baby kneeling down and leaning over the edge of the pool was such a better experience. Several pushes and her head was out; one more push and at 11 pm the rest of her came out. Christie pulled her out of the pool and held her horizontally for a few seconds, gently patting her back, then she put her right up to me. Anastasia immediately started wailing and her eyes were wide open.

They helped me onto the bed and I held Anastasia for an hour while she was still connected to her umbilical cord and while Christie and her assistant were cleaning everything up. Tom held her for a little bit too while they were getting me comfortable.

 Then Christie did the newborn exam (same one as they do in the hospital).

Our little baby turned out to be 8 lbs and 20.5 in. I guess it's a good thing she came a bit early.

Two hours after I had Anastasia, the entire room was put back in order, Christie and her assistant packed everything up, and they left us to go to sleep in our own bed with our new baby. We actually did get a little bit of sleep in because the room was dark and no one was coming in every couple of hours to check my vitals over and over again.

I am so glad we were at home for this birth. I don't think we would have made it to the hospital in time because I wasn't a good predictor of how far along I was in labor. I am thankful we have a healthy baby who arrived here safely and without any complications.

My Syndrome

We all know that I suffer from dementia, toxemia, and an addiction to pain pills. The two former conditions are supposedly caused by me occasionally wearing glasses to drive. While all three of these conditions have never been confirmed by a professional or even friends who know me fairly well and observe me rather closely, I do suffer from a much more realistic syndrome.

It's a disorder of sorts--of that I am sure, because I don't think most "normal" people exhibit the symptoms that I do.

Here's my problem: I can't spend money.
When I spend money, I become depressed and extremely nervous.
When Tom spends money (usually only when it's largish amounts), I become depressed and extremely nervous.

Normal everyday activities such as buying food at the grocery store requires a great deal of mental and emotional preparation. If grocery shopping doesn't go the way I plan it in my mind and on the Google spreadsheet (for example, if I go $10 over budget), I feel ashamed all the way home and until the next paycheck.

I literally had an emotional breakdown when we found out that the last check from Tom's previous employer was going to be delayed 30 days. I thought I was getting early postpartum depression because that is exactly what it felt like.

The auto mechanic at Jiffy Lube thought I was angry at him because of the look on my face when he pulled up the bill, and he consequently gave me a 10% military discount even though everyone knows "attorney" is not synonymous with "military."

I've seen bloggers bribe about how they feed a family of three on only $50 a week, but try doing that for a year, factor in weird pregnancy-related food needs, and the fact that you can only eat plain cheerios for so many months before you break down and buy the "Honey Nut Toasty O's" that is "sweetened whole grain oat cereal with real honey and almond flavor."

One day a couple of months ago after cleaning out all of the old food in our fridge, I decided to take "before" and "after" pictures.

This is before I went grocery shopping for the week:

 This is after I went grocery shopping for the week:

Although, I really don't know what I'm whining about because this is what our fridge looked like shortly after we were married.
We've all been there, right?

I'm hoping my syndrome clears up once Tom's new paychecks start coming in.

I hope I'm not cursed forever.

I hope I can one day go to the grocery store again and spend $75 without almost bursting into tears at checkout.

If not, let me know if you are aware of any rehab programs/tips for this type of disorder.

The Rebel That Is in Me

It seems that at some point during each of my pregnancies, I do something rebellious.

When I was pregnant with Constance, I went to the mall one day and came back with piercings.
Two piercings to be exact.
In my ears.
The very first I had ever gotten.
Along with some very conservative earrings.

This last week in honor of my second pregnancy, I went and got a haircut.
And I put streaks in my hair, also called lowlights.
I looked through the selection of hair colors, everything from bright pink to dark green, and decided to go with one shade darker than my natural hair color.
The result is so subtle you have to look close to notice. But it does make my hair look a little bit darker, which I like.

Pretty good considering that this is the first time in the history of me doing anything with my hair that I applied artificial coloring.

But this all comes just in time for my mom to learn what Skype is and how it works and where to get a webcam for her computer. Granted I was hoping for a few months to let my hair normalize before, you know, I'd have to figure out a disguise.

I didn't cut my hair at all during high school and by the time I was almost done my with my mission in South Florida, it had reached this epic length.

So I chopped it once.

 And then again.

And that's just what a mission did to me, among many other wonderful things.
Getting married and having kids really did bring out the rebel that is in me.

Why I'm Not Freaking Out

As a first time mom two years ago, I have to admit that I freaked out over lots of things. By which I mean that I took everything about having a baby a bit more seriously than I do now that I'm on the second time around. I think it's a natural occurrence as a first time parent.

It didn't help that around the time when I was due to have Constance I was desperate to get out of my job situation, escape the problems that came with it, leave behind a boss who drove me crazy, and take a long peaceful maternity leave never to return again. I even started my maternity leave a week early because I convinced myself I needed the time to myself. Then Constance didn't come until two and a half weeks later.

With this baby, I'm lucky enough not to be in search of an excuse to leave an annoying job. In fact, it is the exact opposite situation.

Two weeks ago, Tom was contacted by another law firm here in town. They interviewed him and offered him a job a few days later that included a significant pay increase from what he has been getting at his present job--as in, now I will finally be able to get body wash and trash bags from someplace other than the dollar store!

This new job is a huge blessing.

But he doesn't start the job until February 1st and obviously doesn't get his first paycheck for the new job until mid-February. So I don't want the baby to come before then. Also, I've been procrastinating a lot of the new baby preparations because of the hope for a little more money soon.

My to-do list is pretty long:

1. Get oil changes for both cars
2. Stock up on freezer meals
3. Organize the closet in the kids' bedroom
4. Buy a swing/bouncer
5. Clean the house (My "nesting" instinct doesn't come naturally)
6. Sew
7. Get a haircut

I also need to finish editing 3 more research papers on the Channel Islands. So the baby can definitely not come before then or I might never learn the thrilling end to how land managers have been killing weeds and planting plants on the California Islands.

So I'm not freaking out about the baby coming soon enough; rather, I'm freaking out about getting all of my tasks done before baby Ana decides to make an appearance. It's a different though related malady.

Besides the money excuse, another obstacle is making it a little challenging to get my baby preparations done: morning sickness. Yes, it came back hard and strong this last month. The worst part is that I've lost my appetite. I really do miss being hungry for something and being able to eat it.

A lesser known fact about this pregnancy (besides the fact that I sure do complain a lot about being sick) is that I actually did take baby bump pictures; they just aren't publicized.

20 weeks

37 weeks

I feel huge but I guess I'm really not. I don't know whether or not I should find that observation comforting.

Vignettes of a Precocious Toddler

Constance received some Jake and the Neverland Pirate bath toys for Christmas and has been playing with them a lot lately. One night, she lined all of them up on the floor (Jake, Tick Tock the Croc, and Captain Hook), crouched down so she was eye level with them, then said "I'm gonna get you Tick Tock!"

One night she became enamored with fake sneezing and was running around with a "hankie" (cloth wipe) to her nose and yelling "aaaaah chewwww." She'd run into a room, slam the door, then fake sneeze for a while then run out again and go to another room.

Lately (as in the past 8 months), I have to lie down in the evening to try and cope with the nausea and exhaustion of pregnancy. Constance has become pretty used to this and so when we go into her room after dinner, she pulls out a pillow from her bed and brings me a blanket. She will feed me imaginary sips of apple juice and tuck the blanket around my neck so I can go "night, night." Occasionally she will also lie down next to me and give me some cuddles and pats on the face.
On one such occasion, she snuggled next to me, patted my cheek, and said, "I love you too Mommy." It was the first time she said that without being prompted by Daddy. She also tells me that "dollie loves you" and "puppy loves you." It sure is nice to be loved by little two-year-olds and stuffed animals alike.

Now that we have two cars, I don't go into Tom's office very often anymore especially during working hours. But one day we decided to take Tom some Taco Bell lunch (his favorite) and we ended up walking in when the boss, Greg, was in Tom's office talking to him. Greg of course tried to engage Constance in conversation, but she decided to ignore him and instead drop onto all fours so she could look at the floor and inch her hand closer to the spread of legal papers that frequents the floor in Daddy's office. Greg asked her about Santa which is usually a topic that she has quite a bit to say about. But she remained silent and evasive. Then I asked her about Daddy's hair. She immediately stood up, looked at Greg, and informed him, "Daddy's hair blew away in the wind . . . what happened?!" Luckily Tom has become fairly accustomed to his daughter talking about his personal life.

Constance has become very good at enforcing everyone else's routine except for her own. She's begun asserting her independence by fighting the whole leaving the house process (putting on socks, shoes, and coat) and the "night, night" routine (bath, brush teeth, read story, say goodnight to Daddy, sing a song, sleep). In contrast, she has a very strict routine for Daddy every morning: she wakes up, pokes him in random places on the face, grabs his gum and usually runs away with it but will return the prize with some bribery and begging, gives him his keys and wallet and phone, yells "wakey, wakey!!!!" then rolls him out of bed with lots of grunting and pushing. This routine applies to weekdays and weekends alike.

One afternoon when I was lying down in Constance's room trying to convince her to take a nap, I closed my eyes so I could do a nice big yawn (I think nap time is getting to be more for me than for her these days). I opened my eyes only to see a little face one inch away from mine with two curious eyes peering down my esophagus and a single finger poised to do some excavating. Needless to say, I yawned with my eyes open until she was safely asleep too.

And then for some oldies but goodies from Facebook that I don't want to forget:

Constance decided to put me down for a nap this afternoon. She laid down on the bed next to me, put her arms around my neck, and patted my back while kissing my forehead and whispering "Shhhhhh! Shhhhh!" 
That must have been an awfully good sandwich I made her for lunch today to get this type of treatment!

- Nursery singing time today - 
Me (to all the kids): What do we do when we come through the chapel doors?
Kids: Shhhhh!
Constance (while waving her hands in the air): Apple juice!!!!!!

- Our all-day conversation -
Constance: Where Daddy is at?
Me: Daddy is at work.
Constance: Ooooh noooo. Daaaddyyy

Constance has recently discovered how to blow her nose and has been practicing by blowing into her cloth baby wipes/washcloths. Then after a successful blow, she takes the same washcloth and attempts to wipe my face. Ever wonder why you catch EVERYTHING your kid gets? Mystery solved.

Tom to Constance: What's your name?
Constance: Me
Tom: No, your name is Boo.
Constance: Boo 
Tom: Boo Baby 
Constance: Boo Boo Head